The ability to effectively communicate the dynamics of a weakness or failure to a person with an imperfection for the purpose of helping that person overcome the problem is difficult even when that person is aware of the imperfection and has asked for help. I apparently DO NOT HAVE this ability to help these people. I cannot point out ketchup on side of person’s mouth without making a new enemy for life – voodoo dolls and pins being stuck in my doll forever.. Sadly when one makes an enemy the only gain is having …. one more enemy. Yes, I did read: “How To Win Friends and Influence People” – it did not help. I apparently do not have the DNA to learn a foreign language or to help a person through a personal crisis. Candidly, I never tried hard with the foreign language thing.
Dr. M. Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled and People of the Lie discusses how people deal with their own “weaknesses”. As a psychiatrist while in the armed forces, Dr Peck was assigned the task of studying very successful military officers. These were men that advanced through the ranks quickly. They were liked by their peers and had a successful family life. Everything they touched seem to turn to gold. The military wanted to understand the reasons for their success.
On one day Dr. Peck took these very successful people to a classroom and asked them to independently write down on a piece of paper the three things that were most important to them in their lives. Dr. Peck was taken-aback at how seriously these men took their assignment – taking 45 minutes to over an hour to write three words. Not surprising the #2 and #3 most important thing was a varied array of interests and experiences. HOWEVER, for all twelve of these very successful officers the #1 most important thing they wrote down was: “MYSELF”. Now this manifested itself into the discipline these people had for self improvement. When these people saw something in themselves that was a “weakness” or an “imperfection” they worked diligently to improve themselves in that area.
Several years later, Dr. Peck was working with inmates at a prison. One prisoner, guilty of many evil actions, became comfortable with talking to the doctor. Dr Peck asked this man: “What is the most important thing in your life?” The man replied: “My self-esteem” How close to the answers from several years earlier! Not-withstanding, “Self-esteem” as a priority manifested itself in a much different manner. When this man of many evil actions saw some “weakness” or “imperfection” in himself he would EXTERMINATE from his life the person or thing that reminded him of that weakness or imperfection..
I tend to think of people that do evil things -on purpose, frequently, and without remorse – as being evil people. I am told I SHOULD look at them as being Children of God – made in His likeness – who do not have the knowledge to do good. This is a hard ideal for me to be comfortable. A concept that I have no problem with is that sometimes good people -even very good people – do something “Bad” THIS DOES NOT MAKE THEM A BAD PERSON. It does not. It does NOT. IT DOES NOT! There was one very good man that never did anything bad. His name is Jesus Christ. The rest of us, all of us, do bad things. We sin. We try harder. We ask for forgiveness. We ask for help. We ask for God’s help and we ask trusted friends for help. That said, only God will never let us down.
In closing I’d like to add one addendum to Dr. Peck’s “Extermination Observation”. Frequent evil doers are not alone in exterminating from their lives reminders of their “Weaknesses”. Sometimes even the best among us -God’s most gifted and devout- will shun friends that tried to help by stressing their weaknesses too much and their talents not enough. Sometimes Satan is involved by confusing us when we are in crisis. When this is the case, prayer is the answer. God will not let us down. It is never too late to re-evaluate our reality, our self-worth, or the value of our friends.
